I recently spent a ton of money on Patriots tickets for the 2017 season opener. I’m not rich, I have a ton of bills to pay, including a new mortgage- but I owed a few people a lot of favors, so the wife and I decided to drop about $3,500 on 7 tickets for nosebleed seats for the game. If you haven’t been to a banner drop game, it’s quite the event. Surprise performances and the reveal of the new super bowl banner as the 2017 season kicks off after the Falcons blew a 28-3 lead, handing the Patriots their 5th Lombardy trophy.
As I went to pick up the tickets yesterday, I started thinking about all of the other things we could’ve spent that money on. Car payments, mortgage payments, much needed renovations on the house… or apparently, we could’ve spent $3,000 per seat to see Hillary Clinton whine about why she lost the election to Trump. Wait what? That’s right – for a mere 3k, you could have front row seats to hear Hillary bitch about Russia! While this all sounds very tempting, I think I’m going to have to choose -watching the greatest QB of all time battle the chiefs, rather than watching the greatest loser of all time, Hillary, battle the reality that she just sucks – and her loss had nothing to do with Russia, James Comey, Wikileaks, mysogony, fake news, white supremacy, hacked voting machines… or whatever the excuse of the week is.
Hillary Clinton, who, in case you have forgotten, lost the 2016 presidential race in the most shocking upset in U.S. political history, is about to go on tour to sell her new book, What Happened.
Hillary’s going to set off this fall for an 15-city tour — “Hillary Clinton Live” — and her website promise she’s going to “let loose” and “connect with audiences in a conversation about a story that’s personal, raw, detailed and surprisingly funny.” Well, she couldn’t “connect” with voters before her crushing and humiliating defeat, but maybe she’s better when she’s getting paid.
For the honor of sitting in that audience as the two-time loser blames the Russians and Barack Obama and Wikileaks and everyone but herself might cost you as much as $1,200.
The tour’s website promises Hillary will reveal how she “coped with a shocking and devastating loss, and how she found the strength to pick herself back up afterwards” (we’re guessing it has something to do with making even more money off books and ticket sales).
“With humor and candor, she tells readers what it took to get back on her feet — the rituals, relationships, and reading that got her through, and what the experience has taught her about life. She speaks about the challenges of being a strong woman in the public eye, the criticism over her voice, age, and appearance, and the double standard confronting women in politics,” the website says.
Right now, we’re thinking we’d pay upward of $1,200 to NOT go.
The whole show will be heavy on blaming Russia. “She lays out how the 2016 election was marked by an unprecedented assault on our democracy by a foreign adversary. By analyzing the evidence and connecting the dots, Hillary shows just how dangerous the forces were that shaped the outcome, and why Americans need to understand them to protect our values and our democracy in the future,” the site says.
Clinton will start her tour Sept. 18 in Washington, D.C., then hit cities in Canada, Florida, Michigan, Illinois, Wisconsin, Georgia, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Washington and Oregon.
VIP tickets in Canada cost $3,000 Canadian dollars for two seats in the front row, equal to $1,201 U.S. dollars. VIP tickets in New York are $750, but in smaller markets like Florida and D.C., tickets can be had for as little as $50.
The purchase price gets each buyer a free book, but don’t even think about trying to get that autographed. The website warns:
Books will not be autographed.
This program does not include a public book signing.
We are unable to take orders for signed copies.
Clinton released a pair of excerpts from her book last week. In one she talks about the second presidential debate in St. Louis, Missouri. “It was incredibly uncomfortable he was literally breathing down my neck,” Clinton said. “My skin crawled.”
“Do you stay calm, keep smiling and carry-on as if he weren’t repeatedly invading your space? Or do you turn, look him in the eye and say loudly and clearly, ‘Back up you creep, get away from me! I know you love to intimidate women, but you can’t intimidate me, so back up!’ ” Clinton said.
Soon, you’ll be able to relive it all!