Lets start with this: Tom Brady is a saint. Old news, but in light of the new season on the horizon, and Tommy boy’s 4 game suspension looming, allow me to vent. There’s no way in hell he had anything to do with taking a couple puffs of air out of a few footballs (IF it even happened).
What do people really think went on? After the refs loosely checked the PSI before the AFC championship blowout, Tom Brady must have ducked away from the thousands of fans watching, hundreds of team employees on the sidelines, tunnel and locker room, snuck into the equipment room while dodging cameras like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible, stuck a needle in each ball to take out 0.2 PSI? All while putting his legacy and integrity on the line? I don’t think so.
Here’s a more probable scenario- Tom Brady was fed up with his equipment guys after the refs pumped the footballs up to a ridiculously high PSI in their game vs the Jets (this is documented in the Wells report), so the equipment guys took some air out of the footballs to save their own asses from being chewed out by Brady again. How many times do you really think you can piss off the greatest QB of all time before you get fired?
So yes, I believe that IF air did get taken out of footballs, the equipment guys are to blame. But do I think Tom Brady gave the order? Are you kidding me? Of course not. I don’t think Brady had any knowledge whatsoever, and I believe that if he found out what was going on, he would’ve beaten these idiotic equipment guys over the head with multiple Lombardi trophies, followed by promptly having his mediocre O-Line toss them out of gillette for putting his legacy on the line to save their own jobs. To assume he would jeopardize everything he’s worked for to perfect his glorious image would be ludicrous.
Now we are all aware of the scientifically proven fact that gingers have absolutely no soul. But Roger Goodell? You take soul-less to a new low. Lets put aside the fact that no player has ever been suspended for tampering with equipment. Lets put aside the fact that there was ZERO evidence that connected Brady to tampering with equipment. Lets put aside the fact that the NFL claimed they hired an unbiased private investigator, then proceeded to pay him millions for his “unbiased,” and easily debunked hack-job of a report. Lets just talk about an abuse of power. Roger decided that he would be the judge, jury and executioner. What is this, Nazi Germany? And I am well aware that the CBA signed by the NFLPA awarded Roger this outrageous fascistic power, but at some point Goodell needs to act like a commissioner, and not a power hungry pile of human garbage.
Lets call this what it actually is – a massive cover up. This was a story that Roger Goodell wanted to latch onto and blow up, with the assistance of the vindictive, habitual liars at ESPN, as a huge distraction to the real issues with the NFL: Concussions and domestic abuse. Is it a coincidence that this scandal blew up around the same time that news of the new Concussion movie surfaced? Is it coincidence that everyone stopped talking about Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson and Greg Hardy? I think not.
Tell me, almighty ruler commissioner, which is the worse crime:
A.) Haymaker-ing your fiancé into space from an elevator
B.) Relentlessly whipping your child with a ‘switch’
C.) Tossing your girlfriend onto a pile of guns while threatening her life
D.) Possibly having general awareness of a couple puffs of air mayyybe escaping a football before a complete blowout of a garbage team who never had a shot in hell at winning that game in the first place?
I’ll take D. Final answer.
So which of these crimes received the most media coverage? You would assume that either A B or C would be the most talked about by far, right? Wrong. ESPN has conveniently forgotten about these heinous crimes and instead are STILL talking about #Deflategate and the unforgivable crime of … maybe having general knowledge of a possible equipment violation.. oh and Colin Kaepernick sitting on a bench. Because a backup QB trying to force his way back into the headlines is another great distraction from the actual crimes going on in the NFL.
Well, Roger, you’ve pulled the wool over the eyes of the casual fan, but we here at TheMeninisms are not easily distracted or fooled. We know what you’re up to, you soul-less, power-hungry, fascistic ginger. I will still watch your corrupt product, because I’m obsessed with football.. But I will be watching in protest, waiting for week 5, when Tom Brady returns on the back of the recently resurrected Harambe, firing fully inflated bombs to Gronk and Edelman and leaving the NFL in ruins as he dominates his way to Superbowl 51, where the Patriots will win 819-3, and Tom will look you in your cold, dead eyes as you hand him the Lombardi trophy with your clammy child-hands. Then Tommy boy will ride off into the sunset, and you will return to your nazi cave where you will weep into the night, because you built this, Roger. You did this. Tom Brady is innocent. He is the Harambe of football.